TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY YOUTH

 

I was not expecting to be writing this blog post tonight (Wednesday, 26th April 2017). I was expecting to be writing this tomorrow but the plans changed. I have officially (sort of) left high school. I am going out into the big wide world. I am petrified. I still have to go in for exams and I will still be in to study. But I no longer have any obligation to go to classes and attend school. I am done.

Lets back track to this morning...

This morning I woke up and I got ready and put on my school uniform and thought to myself this will be the second last time I will put my uniform on to go and attend classes in school. I walked to school and thought this will be my second last time walking to school to attend full time. I went into my history class and thought, well you get the point by now surely. 

However... My school clearly had different plans. Last period we were all called down and told that tomorrow is the start of study leave for us. Not going to lie my heart sank right into my stomach. I was shocked. I was gutted. Devastated. I didn't quite feel ready and I was so prepared to say goodbye tomorrow but I felt like I was being made to take the leap a little too early. I understand it is only a day and it would seem like I would have felt the same and maybe I would have but I feel as if I would have been more comfortable and ready tomorrow. 

Nine hours later and I am a lot more calm about it. Honestly, it does not feel real. It hasn't hit me yet and it might never do. I also feel relieved. I can finally move on and leave the little bit of me behind in which wasn't me. I am leaving behind this shy, dependant little girl (I am independent in many ways but still depend on many things) and I am going to make a conscious effort to become more independent and be who I want to be. 

 

I felt very sad in that moment that it was done. I never really properly thought about how it was all going to be over soon. Six years has just flown by. I blinked and it was gone. Education is one of the things that is most nearest and dearest to my heart. I believe everyone should have the right to a sustainable education. I am very proud of who I have become in those six years. I am not perfect and want to continue to grow as a person but I am proud of who I am now. 

High School has made me stronger. More determined. I want to have a good career. I want to be successful and without school, honestly I don't know if I'd be who I am today without the experience. I love learning new things and school allowed for me to do that every single day. 

The thought of not going into school tomorrow when I should be saddens me. The part of me that hates getting up early is quite happy with it, not going to lie. It was a big part of my routine for six whole years. It feels like yesterday that I started sixth year and now I'm about to leaving. 

I am so excited for the future. The future will have it's downs but the future looks great from down here. I am just grieving the chapter I am about to leave behind forever. I cannot go back now. I will never step inside the school ever again after I sign my leavers form. The 30th May will be the last time I walk the halls of my school. The place where I made my friends, the place that contributed to who I am. 

However... I am ready.