Dear 15 Year Old Me

Dear 15 year old me,

You just got your heart broken for the first time. It fucking sucked. It took you a while to get over, endless nights of crying. Feeling like it is the end of the world. Well, it's not. You are about to turn 18 next month and guess what. You got over it. It may have taken a whole year but you did it.

You had to see him most days at school happy as you were miserable. Days out and at parties. He played games with your mind over and over. Making you think you two were going to get back together. You guys never did. You tried to do everything you could, being a teenager you were naive. You thought he was the 'one'. He's not. He is definitely not.

Three years later and you are on top of the world. The opposite of what you were. For a year and a bit, you were down. Not just because of the heartbreak but that definitely played a part. You didn't think you would feel the same happiness again. The feeling of being on top of the world. Lucky for you, a few years down the road, you feel feelings that are so much better than you ever thought you would feel.

You will get angry. You will have so much hate that has built up inside of you. You will lash out on your mum, I know you didn't mean to. She was just the easiest target. You will apologise though and make it up to her and feel the guilt for the rest of your life. You will also lash out at him. He will do it back. You won't understand what you have done to deserve it, after everything you have done for him. It's ok. Things will soon change.

You are off to uni in a weeks time. You made it. Your biggest dream since you were a child is about to come true. Your hard work and effort will do you proud. Throughout all this time you still stuck in at school, when it would have been easier to not to, at the time it didn't seem worth it. You were and still are a bit dramatic. You didn't allow for your emotions to take over your life. To an extent, they did, but not enough for you not to succeed. I am proud of you.

You met another guy (and he's better than the last TRUST ME). He will treat you like you were meant to be treated the first time. It's great, you can finally be yourself. I truly don't believe this relationship would be this great if you hadn't of had that shitty one before. (DISCLAIMER FOR YOU READERS Yes I was 14 whilst in the relationship, I know you are thinking that's not real blah blah blah but at the time it felt really real to me).

Overall, you are happy and that is the main thing. I have no idea what is about to hit us in the future. I know it won't always be this good. I do know though that once you get over him your life will just keep going up and up. Yes, you aren't perfect. You've become very self-conscious, but we will work it out. We will get over it, it's just a hurdle. Nothing you can't deal with.

I love you.

From 17 year old me.

Thank you guys for reading if you read all the way down to here. This is a very personal intimate post that I wrote that I wanted to share with you. After all, this is the reason I made my blog. To be real. To share my life journey and hopefully help someone who might be going through something similar to these things I've been through.

Thank you so much for reading.
Becks x